Today my wonderful Grandma Molly turns 95 and so this evening I will visit her in the care home where she resides. She has now suffered from dementia for almost 8 years and this barbaric disease has stolen the vast majority of her treasured memories.

My Grandma became very distressed and understandably upset for all of 15 minutes, after she was informed that her Sister had died. Then the memory was lost and her Sister remained alive and well, as far as she knew. It is for this reason that my Grandma remains blissfully unaware of the death of her Son and therefore did not attend his funeral. What would be the point of tearing her world apart for it all to be forgotten 10 minutes later?

The developing smile is true rather than polite when she first sees me. She doesn’t know me by name, but the sparkle in her eyes assures me that she is genuinely happy to see me, whoever I may be. She does not partake in conversation, she simply listens to what I have to say and responds with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and I am fully aware that a few minutes after I leave, she probably has no recollection of my visit at all.

Do I look forward to visiting my sweet, kind-hearted, selfless Grandma? The honest answer is no. I was once the apple of her eye and now she is no longer able to know who I am, which is sincerely incredibly painful. Its difficult to watch a loved one forget how much they love you, and to know that she can never remember the moments that I will never forget.

Despite not finding the experience enjoyable, there are 2 reasons why I continue to visit Grandma Molly. For me it is important to live without regret knowing that I have done the right thing for someone that I love, even if it pains me to do so. I do it to make her happy and enrich her life, even if it is only for an hour or so until she forgets that I even exist. 

Reason number two… Her eyes. My Dad’s eyes. When I look into those shining blues I am reminded of what it is like to see my Father again. At the age of 95 it is presumable that Grandma’s time left on earth is limited, and therefore  I intend to make the most of this precious opportunity until they blink and close for the very last time.