Friday 13^th November 2015. On this day at 5:45pm my life changes forever and I begin to experience what most people might call ‘grief’ for the loss of my Father.

For multiple reasons I have opted to ignore the truth to some extent. Over the past 7 months I have been occupied with full-time University, exams, refurbishing a house, a part time job, the list goes on. The daily fight against my instincts telling me to lock myself away and hide from the world, has allowed me to ‘get the job done’ to the best of my ability. Finally I have reached the end of the tightrope, and it is time to step off. The balancing act is over. It’s time to sit down, take a breath and realise.

I fear now that my mind is no longer distracted 24/7, in order to refrain from descending into complete madness (assuming that I haven’t done so already) it is necessary to trial a new coping mechanism. I have been accused of avoiding conversation about my feelings. This is because I hate crying in front of people. Hence another reason why I have decided to blog is to inform my family and friends where my headspace is at.

Whether anyone reads this or not does not matter to me, as I am using blogging principally as an outlet to help me come to terms with what has happened. This is my opportunity to be incredibly honest with myself. My aim is certainly not to offend others, although if anyone finds content disagreeable I simply do not care. I am not doing this to seek for compliments, I’m already fully aware and more than proud of myself for the actions I have taken since October 2015.

If blogging doesn’t help this healing process, I will stop. However if it helps me, I will continue to blog until I no longer feel the need to do so.

by Laura-Jane Worthington